Emotional Confessions of a Migrated Mind

Last week I flew to Estonia for vacation, first time after leaving it 4 months go. It is a very strange feeling - to come as a guest to a city which was the source of all kinds of responsibilities for the past almost 30 years. 

The greatest thing of all was to see and hug my farther and friends. It felt like I’ve been away for only a week, but the joy of seeing each other was much higher than it used to be when we lived in Tallinn (and sometimes didn’t meet for the same 4 months in a row!). I have also understood, that I do not miss places, but I do miss the people. It doesn’t matter where you live as much as who you live with or nearby. Skype, Viber and Hangouts will never replace the connection and feeling arising when you sit next to a person and look them in the eye.

I thought Tallinn would feel small and quiet. It didn’t. It’s not that it’s grown big and noisy, it’s just I didn’t pay attention. But it is definitely more spacey, than London. Streets are wider, buildings stand farther apart, and it feels like there is more open space around. It is also cleaner throughout the day. London is so densely populated that streets, cleaned during the night, don’t stay clean for long. in Tallinn at the moment falling leaves everywhere create more work for the street cleaners. 

I didn’t drive for 4 months, and was a bit wary of losing my skills, however it seems it’s like a bike - you get in, turn on the engine and it feels like you drove yesterday.

I imagine it would have been worse had I driven in the mean time in London. Surprisingly, driving was something I missed a lot. I didn’t realize it until I took the car. Apart from being free and flexible in my movement around the city it felt more comfortable and private. I could turn on the music, and enjoy my being even when stuck in traffic. Unfortunately the SWOT analysis of owning the car in London showed that Ws and Ts outweigh Ss and Os.

The overall conclusion was pleasant: I didn’t have any regrets or terrible nostalgia about the city. I left with the feeling that I feel good both in London and in Tallinn, and flew back to London with a list of plans to host our friends and relatives in autumn and Christmas and spring, and ideas about new vacations in all parts of Europe. Thanks to Ryanair it’s rather free time that is a limited resource here, not money or possibilities.